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| i haven't been here in a long time. it's so strange to look over the past and see what it's become to you now. it seems like much hasn't changed, which is quite unfortunate. i'm still in the perpetual unstable circle of the highest highs and the lowest lows.. but we're all sane here. such a respectable haven.
slowly falling along.. lost in the capturing branches that hang too
low. you'd think nothing else would come that far down with me. a warm
summer evening, the sky sets as my eyes adjust, the heavy fumes of my
breath with the chilling breeze that pulls against my cheeks. i'm going
to get stuck here if i don't find a way out before i lose the shadow's.
the moon isn't bright enough and i forgot my trail, that the creatures
lurking ate before i even dropped.
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| i dream of being 5 years old.. of going outside our back yard and
building forts with my brother. i play with my toys and have not
a worry in the world. i dream of someday leaving this place when
the screaming starts.. and i have to convince myself that nothing is
real, to make it through a day. i dream that god saves me one
day, away from all the pain i let build somwhere deeper than i know how
to reach. he never does. and so i dream of warmth.. of
something dark, residing with open arms.. that scares me, but gives me
the comfort of a faraway land. i've become so detached from
everything i know.. and those 5 year old dreams have floated
away. i sink from one hell to another in ceaseless
nightmares. so today i stopped dreaming. maybe tomorrow i'll take
it up again. | | |
| my favorite scene is something i cannot share. the words make no sense
in this empty realm. written and stolen into worlds before your
coming, and before this.. before tomorrow they shall too be wiped clean
and then you will pick up your fallen pieces.
let's begin in this light. silly children, in silly games.. dancing
their nights away before the striking reality of growing up with
mortality in view. when do you realize you can be
destroyed? i can still taste the liquor on my breath and my
groping eyes taking in things that can never be seen as an adult. i
could touch your hand and when we didn't move in that infinite moment
of silence with the bliss.. i can feel. it's gone now, numb
parades dance through.
let's end in this angelic view of too many seconds strewn across your
hidden paradise. i can't cry at your permiscuous dealings and i
have no sympathy for your losses, but if only one thing could be true..
i am your only friend. that's something that will never be
forgotten.
ps. i just wrote out pages and pages worth of things about myself,
highlighted and then deleted it all. no one wants to see the
imperfections in our fantasies.
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| In love there are wandering feet, in lust we put our loyal acts,
through hate we find our nourishment. Deviation is no crime and Trust
is the palpatation of it's greatest strength. | | |
| can we start again.. go back to what it was back then... open minds and open hearts
the things that set us apart
7
the
smell of dirt and moth balls filled my nose beyond the sweet stickiness
of early morning pastries. the soft slurping of coffee. a
low moan of the engine that skitted across the blue sky above us.
these walls were made of glass.. perfect for me to watch the outside as
my senses were strung out to limits just to continuously be played with
once again. that day i fell in love with airplanes and i smiled..
i brought my gaze back from the outside, with a breeze i wouldn't
know.. and it centered on him then.. my grandfather who watched back at
this little girl he shared a familiar connection with. he would
smile and i would fill my lungs with the sting of cigarettes. he
died this year.. i still hurt
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